It was summer 2023. I remember coming across breaking news headlines about two children who were found in Ivins, Utah, in deplorable condition. These two children had been abused by their mother, Ruby Franke, and her friend, Jodi Hildebrant. The children were malnourished and had been forced to do horrible punishments, outside in the stifling Utah desert heat in the summer. This has been one of the major child abuse cases to come out of Utah in recent years, a string of others not far behind. It's a case that I remember distinctly following.
One of my coworkers recommended this book to me, and I'll admit, I was hesitant at first. Sometimes people who experience this kind of abuse and trauma become extremely anti, and I just wasn't sure I wanted to read about that. However, as I dove into Shari Franke's book, I found her to be the opposite. That impressed me, and just added to what I liked about this book.
In The House of My Mother, Shari Franke (Ruby Franke's oldest child) describes what life was like growing up with her mother. Always controlling, with a quick temper, Ruby ruled the roost. Franke describes feeling like "mommie doesn't love me" from a very young age. Even as the family grew, these moments continued. Eventually, when Franke's aunts got into mommie-blogging and vlogging, Ruby followed suit. The family's vlog, 8 Passengers, amassed a huge following on YouTube and other social media accounts. The children's intimate home lives quickly became content as the lines between private family time and social media fodder blurred. At this time, Ruby frequently engaged in harsh, psychological methods of punishment, and Shari found herself wired to hate herself and prone to depression. Things only got worse once 8 Passengers collapsed on the heels of a video revealing that Shari's younger brother had spent 8 months sleeping on a bean bag because Ruby had taken his bed. The boy's therapist, Jodi Hildebrant, then stepped in, absorbing the Franke's lives.
In a lot of ways, this book was haunting. I felt that it was less about religious extremism, though it does go there (Hildebrant and Franke were looking at the same doomsday prepping materials that the Daybells were), and more about parenting extremism. And really, it's also mostly about Ruby herself, and the narcissism that consumed her personality and destroyed Shari's relationship with her mother.
This story is chilling but impactful. Shari outlines the consistent abuse she suffered as a child, long before the shocking discoveries of her younger siblings by neighbors of Jodi Hildebrant in 2023.
I was intrigued by Franke's portrayal of her parents. I thought it was fascinating that she called her parents by their first names. Did she always do this? Or is that something she adopted later, when she was essentially disowned? I think one major question that plagued the media coverage over her younger siblings' situation (and certainly me) when everything came crashing down was where was the dad? They were still married; how could he not have known? I think Franke's narrative sets that all straight and highlights the trail of delusion Ruby fell down before she was arrested for abusing her two youngest children.
I thought her attitude toward her siblings was interesting. Her determination to define consent to publicity was admirable. I think this plays a major role in why the kids (and even Shari herself) are largely absent from the media coverage of their mother. It was probably too personal for this book (and maybe another matter of public consent), but I do wonder what happened between Shari and her oldest brother, Chad, in the aftermath of their mother's arrest. Their relationship was strained - Chad had told Shari to leave him alone and slammed his door in her face before Ruby's arrest. Shari doesn't talk about what happened, but by the end of the book, their relationship has been (at least somewhat) repaired.
Franke's anti-family vlogging stance is clear. I almost felt that was the real point of the book, more than even her goal of controlling the narrative about her role and what happened in her family.
I really liked the hopeful note it ended on. I was inspired by Franke's resilience and her sense of mission. I love that despite everything she went through, her faith was unshakeable. Despite it all, she still had faith, still believed in the gospel, and still honored her ancestors.
Because Franke discusses an adult (and realistically non-consenting) relationship, I don't know that some people would find this appropriate for teenagers. I don't know that I would unless I had talked with my teen about consent, grooming, and controlling relationships. Franke describes one specific instance, describes it as non-consensual, but doesn't go into much detail. I didn't find it graphic, but it was uncomfortable (and should have been). Other than that, Franke does discuss abuse. Despite this, her language is clean and has clear spiritual overtones.
I rated this ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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